Holding Foolish Hope
by Threedaysunrise
Summary: Hagi can't help but hope for something so foolish.


**Author's Note**: _There are spoilers in here for the series. So if you don't want to know them…then don't read._

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**Holding Foolish Hope**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Blood Plus_

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_I thought I had it all under control_

_I thought my fate was still in my hands…_

_-Kutless_

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The first time—in one of her more recent awakenings—that Hagi saw a pure, undaunted smile upon Saya's lips something inside of him twisted. This…new side, he knew must be the result of friends and a stable family of normality that she was able to have for the first time in many lifetimes. And it pained him for what he had been forced to, what he knew had to be done. War with the Chiropterans was beginning anew and the hard, relentless Saya had been needed. 

After so long, his first initiative contact with the one he served was the mouth-to-mouth transfusion of his blood. It was ironic, really.

Though Saya, shocked at the sudden invasion of his lips and the metallic fluid that filled her throat, she didn't struggle the way he thought she would. When she relaxed in his arms, Hagi could never have prevented the odd combination desperation and protectiveness from molding his movements as he curled about Saya with his arms the way a lover would.

The moment ended, however. And the dark-haired Chevalier at the time had known that the chances of such contact ever happening again were slim to none.

Her memories still had not returned and day by day Hagi watched as Saya struggled with the knowledge of what she was, and of what she had done during the Vietnam War. Sometimes he would sense her watching him—sense her burdened gaze boring into his back, and he wondered how much she _did_ remember.

Later, when they had to flee from the all-girls' school Saya had been forced to infiltrate, Hagi could feel the overwhelming sense of sadness and betrayal Saya felt for her newfound friend; her hands had clenched the folds of her stained uniform until her knuckles grew white.

Out of the corner of his eye, he had watched her struggle.

But he kept his distance.

Soon after, when Saya's vision of happenings of the Vietnam had rendered her useless during the fight against the Chiropteran children, her breakdown began anew. The raven-haired girl screamed in her fury and began to slash down friend and foe alike until their bodies were unrecognizable. The steel of her blade sent shivers of raw fear down the spines of her traveling companions each time her blade would sink through flesh and clank loudly on the floor below the bloody mass.

_Now_ he was watching Saya loose control again, and he feared this outcome would be far worse than the last.

Her name came from his lips as a startled gasp when she forcefully shoved him against the wall and tore away his collar to reveal his neck. Without any hint of hesitation or repulsion, her teeth sunk into his skin; greedily partaking of the blood in his neck and sending him into a false feeling of ecstasy. The Chevalier found himself overwhelmed by feelings of the past; feelings he had tried for so long to suppress. And for the briefest of seconds, hope had clouded his judgment.

Had Saya truly awakened? Did she remember anything from before? _Anything?_

_Fool_

Saya was only responding to Carl's goading as she tore her teeth roughly away from his skin and raised her sword to attack. Hagi bitterly noted the pulsing of seared skin from where her teeth had punctured, but he pushed away the pain to cry out her name. Maybe, just maybe she would respond to his voice…

Saya gave his voice no heed in her maddened state and Hagi felt his resolve crumbling within his grasp. He had waited so many years only for the same thing to happen twice? Was all hope truly lost?

Kai, who had been standing to the side, broke out of his stupor and cried out Saya's name for her to stop. Hagi could feel odd combination of relief and bitterness when the woman, who had been on the brink of insanity, froze; realization and repulsion lighting her face. Seeing that they were briefly out danger, Hagi righted himself, making sure the stony mask of indifference was still there. It was now Carl whose anger was out of control because Saya was, thankfully, in control.

The events following passed quickly and Diva and her group of Chevaliers had once again escaped. But a feeling that Hagi couldn't describe, that he didn't want to describe, filled him.

On their way out of the swamp, he listened as the makeshift family had their reunion with Saya, promising that no matter what they would remain a family. As usual, Hagi kept his distance; listening to Saya's quiet sobs and her brother's words of comfort.

_Soon_, Saya would remember and he would once again be the dominate figure in her life.

But wasn't that the reason he became the way he was? So Saya would have a solid foundation during each lifetime, and so she wouldn't have to deal with even more emotional confrontation from the past? Nevertheless, he would remain by her side forever; asking nothing in return. No matter what this life throws at them, he would be the constant figure in her life, just as he had always been.

She would remember him soon enough…and he would face that mountain when he got to it.

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_I'm sure all my tenses are screwed up, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I plan on writing a sister piece to this one-shot called _Beauty of Stone_ in Saya's POV. That should be out soon enough._

_Please review and tell me your thoughts_

_**Threedaysunrise**_


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